CoachO likeda RockahBalbah!

Ova da kissmas weeken, da CoachO tookdachildrah offtodamoveehass taseedanewRockahshow. CoachOluvda Rockahmovees. Hewatchemaw etleesse fiftahtimee. Rockahtree isdaCoachOfavoritdough. Deyaskimta fitedaRockahBalbah insteddaMistaTee, butdaCoachOdinnalike dadeel. IfdeydungivdaCoachO dempointondabackend, d'aintabinnaw Rocahfoh! CoachObedachamp!

Justinkin'boutfightin'daCoachO, itmakaRockahcry! Lookahdat! Likababbeh!

Disda reahCoachO ritehyah!

Lottapeepa pretennintabedaCoachO! Deywalkinroun, sayinalldastuflike, "yoyoyoyoyo, lookame, imdaCoachO!" Juslookadisraggamuffah, tendin'tabedaCoachO!



BUTDEYAINNA'COACHO! DEYSIMPOSTAH! Thaskinnawicka OrsahSwindah, he'tendintabedaCoachO. Heyalltryin' tasaydaCoachOisdaSolmonGrundey. COACHODAGOOGAH! COACHONATTAEVAPERSA! DaCoachO, herepsen dafinehonrabah OweMesseppah! REBAHTRUENTRU!

DatswhattatelldaJEVSNEE! Isatahim, "JEVSNEE! YAWBEEBAW! YAWCOMTAOWEMISS, WETREETYALIKDAKANG! Eatreeweh, nicerom, lotsaplanetime! YAWPLAHFAHDAREBAH! WHATTASAY?" Jevsnee, hyahsmahtbah. Weshaykahanritder! Denweposeapikchahwithissolman!

NEWSTMEMBADAREBAHFAMLAH!

Nah, CoachOknowhattathenken. WhattabahBretShayfa! BRETSHAYFASONTACOACHO! BRETSHAYFA'GONNOWHAH! JEVSNEMAHBEDAFUTYA, BUTBRETSHAYFASTILLCOACHOSMAN!

DaCoachObillinareahwinnah fahdahfineRebahfans! BRENGINALLDATALENIN!

coachO haddima gratavissut wissumbuddy I nossapossa talkabow

Da N-C-dubbah-A gossa assortsa krazyrools bouta heahcoach takabouta-athleet datcoachO isrecrewtin, but coachO so'cited boutda kawtaback whatcomma to Oxfuh dissaweeken'. Now, coachO canntsay heename ondablawg cuzdassa recrewtaviolashan, but lejjussay heeeah lonlah kwataback lookahfoha noo-hoam.

Ayeway, coachO wannah tellyall readahs boutda funthees he dee-ahd witta recrew dissaweeken' in Oxfuh, cawsaday witda coachO in Oxfuh idda bess-day y'allevahhaive! Fust, coachO takedah recrew taddah trainataba fosum chickunwaffa! Manolive heelovachickunwaffa! coachO saytahee, "Y'alleatda chickunwaffa atta trainataba n'awstin?" HELLNOW DONNENNOW CHICKENWAFFA N'AWSTIN! Cain-ginno chickunwaffa oussida Oxfuh! Naw chickunwaffa woth-ettin, i-shussay.

Naixt, coachO takeah recrew taddah bowlah-alley on Jacksow-streeaht (dassa bawlinelly dacoachO playhee leegue-bawlin foah nighssaweek). Da recrew sayeh: "coachO, yawwanme ta-grabba bawlinball foah ya?" An' coachO say "HELLNAW! COACHO ALLWAY HAIVE HE-AWN BAWLINBALL!" Right heah:


Yallikah coachO's bawlinball? HELLYEAHYAHDO. coachO spenna prettapennah gittina custah-made bawlinball.

Loahstoree shawt, coachO bowla one-aighty-fahve an wonnah free roundah mozzarellahsticks. Now, coachO waitinbydahfone foah cawl witta VERBACOMMIMAH! Rebah up!

NAHWORDFROMDASPONSA!

CoachO, hedon'workfuhfree. Lottapeepsay, "butCoachO, yousaddatyoodwawkfafree!" Nahdattrue. CoachO, hewawkfafree, butdaRebahminstratahs deysayCoachOgotstabedafacedaRebah. CoachO, goutanshakhans, kissbabah, befrendahgutpeepaOxfah! Ain'tabettahwayta frenddaOxahpeepa dan'togeddondairandrivesomeHummah! Iteelyu, demHummahrunlikadrem! CoachO, hedrivedaHummahallday, buhhegottacoachdarebahfootbaw! Toobaddoh, Hummahahbyootovanessyouvee! TELLAMBATTITJOEJOE!

Passda PeptaBisma!

Ohf. Coachadda toomuch Kissmascheah. Orgronsbellafulla uglahhumahs. Eyesgotta pickupdapacetoddah, andistummahache needtahitdaro! Haffabotta'odapinkstahf, datshouldfix daCoachOriteup! Slugdatdown anhittdawateroom, Itschesanbakday!

Tossaback, ANHITDAIRNE!

CoachO Gonnaseengya Kissmas-cara! Gatharound!

CoachO loaveda Kissmas-seezin cuzzissa tyma singa coachO's FAVITkissmas-caras! Dissa 'nold kissmas-cara boutafella who gissalotta peasants fo TELVEDAYS! Telve dayzakissmas? Dassacrazy! CoachO only gizzapresints onedaysayeer, twodaysa if youkount mabburt-day.

'Neways, CoachO gonna sinigasone boutawhatiffa coachO gossapresents on TELVEDAYS! Ibbe sogreat, ibbe likedis:

Da TELVEdaysa Kissmass (writtaby da CoachO)
Odda TELVEdaysa Kissmas, my tooluff gaittomee...
	Telve weeksa domesta'violenz counseleeg.	12
11	LEVEN poundsa cawfish
	TENSA coanel-reb rubbaduckees	10
9	NINE interiah lahn-menn.
	AIGHT minah-bottahs ah-rumpaMINZE	8
7	SEVVA babbed-whyre tattoes.
	SECTS pays-a nunnachucks	6
5	FIVA fullah-lawded Hummahs.
	FOWA wrasslinmaskes	4
3	TREE stabbawwouds.
	TOO fishdat faightechutha toodahdeaf	2
1	...an'da WileBunche dirretaskut onna DBD.

Mawwakissmas! Gobbessuss evvywunnabus!

CoachO spreddendat Chrismahchah!

HO HO HO! CoachO hyahinOxfah wishunyaw Happaholldey. Peezeonnert anna goodwahtowahmen! Ogeronfamlah bringdaplyahfamlah ovatoda CoachOhas, anwecookupdemteam a Chrismahboofate! Bringalldah Rebachfamleytogeddah! WALLHADDAGRANNOTIM!

Coachgettistreedeckout! Rebahornmahallround!

RODSPURNDABAMA!

HAW HAW! I tolyu! Dintitellyu? CoachO, heknewwatgoneon! Dat CoachRod, heahslithrysnake! He gon'takedabama alldawaytodabank! Heflipdatdealonnawestvahginnah, nowhepaydup outinna Morgantown! BAMAGOTDATEGGONNDEYFACE!

CoachO, henevahdodatta goodpeepa Oxfah! CoachO hyahtilldacowcomhome. UTAKEDATTODEYBANK!

CoachRodsittunprettah bakinwesvahginnah.

CoachRod gettatwomilladolla!

Dis Coach O rightaher, Itaka twomilladolla, butdiscoach donneed twomilladolla! OllMistret CoachO migtafine! CoachOgetallda trainatabafofree! Rebahcooks whoopaquiteda fancaspread, anCoachOanhisfamla eatplenniwell! Tackback,fattack, hogfah, backfah, southenfry chicka, biscannagrava, homno, anna grits, farasdey eyecansee! Whoneedmonah whenyoualreda eatin' likea KingaOxfah!

Twomilladolla, itcannabuy Oxfah chickunwfaffa!
Deypay daOrgeron inna qualtah Southancookah!

Whynobuddie Givem Coach O no'wards??

CoachO bewwatchen the ESPN show naw, and theyseahavin sukkinda 'wards show! Wardshow?? Howscumm nawbuddie telldacoach O boutda'wardshow? Coach O donewon plenny 'wards inheetime. Lookahdis 'ward Coach O won jus-yessaday atta arm-wrasslin' tourney-mint atta fust-baptist-chuch pickanick! Issabute!

GITATTAHABOSTACOLLA!

Tabrinesoutabostacolla! Heleftemfagina, annoweaganeedacoach. Nah, CoachOstayinOxfa, buhisassitantfreegay. Isarighna, ancoachleowemiss, andeygondoitwitmahbootinyass!

NOONLEOWEMISSTACOACHOSAYSO!

SkinacoachlooliOrvaRedBaka! Takapopkatoginya, BUHANDOFFMAHSISTAN!

ORGERONCOCHDAREBAH!

Allyasa, Coach, uresuchadefensmind, uresuchagrearecruita, whyonocoachbama? Bamaas bawcoach Spurya, deytalkto CoachRod, nunnasay "Deywannacoachbama." Bamatalktoyu? HELLNAW, Bamatalktame! Isa, "GITHELLOUTMAHOFFBAMA! IMACOCHAOWMISSFOOTBAW! ROLLYOTIRIGHOUTHYAH!" DatswatIsatadem. Dem Bamafolk gitdesprat. Deyaskanone. CoachOhapwerheas. Hecommtoowemiss. Hecoachdarebahplaya. REBAPLAYASONTACOACH! REBAPLAYANEEDTACOACH! COACHOGONNOWA! BAMACANGOPONNASAN!

COACHORCOACHDAREBAH! NOTABAMA!

WHERDAORGRABOW?

Aw de bowgame comrawndhea. Owe Miss aintinna bowgame! ORGERAWANNABOWGAME! Bamainnabowgame, Tennseeinnabowgame, evin Kentkainnabowgame! Isa putta rebah innabowgame! Wepla ennawar. Shrepor, Jackvul, Canta, youname! Rebah manah ha agresaysen, butrebah travrewel! Brindamanah! Brindafan! Ow Miss Rebah fillyostadum ritup!

Gicotchogeonachan, or hecommaritroun anstrinyawup!

Yo Yo Yo Yaw Yo Yaw. Yo Yaw. Footbawl.