coachO StayininOxfuhF'EVAH!!

Darebahfans outdare allbeenworry boutda CoachO leavindaRebah foaha newcoachajob, butey canRess-a-ease tonye causeda coachO jussigna contraw'stension todah 2010! Dassright, coachO STAYINOXFUHF'EVAH! coachO gonnabreakgrow onna BLOWGROUN' SIMMIN-POOL, cauz coachO stayininOxfuh TILLHEDAYED!

Now, coachO reelexcited hegitta coachda Rebahforevah, andcawse coachO gotda BIGMONNIE hegonna havahpartie for alldaRebahfans at da coachOHome-sted. Dassrite, allda rebahplayah and rebahfan and coachO frennzafamlee gonna cometa OrgeronManah and playonda SLIPPUNSLYE! Andcawse coachO gossalldese extrahdolla, hegonnaput PEPPAHMIN-SHNAWPS ondah slippunslye steada watah! Daparty staws at nahn o'clawk and goestill KESTION-MAWK????

coachO Gotheeseefa MOTIVASHAPROBLAH!

Dassrite, coachO comminrightow an'sayneet! Darebbah footbahteam havah problaw gettinMotivatuh! COACHO ALLWAYSAY CAINTWINNAH SEC CHAMP-SHUH WITHOUTAMOTIVASHA! Butda coachO gotheesefa-Idea thatgonna makedah Rebbahfootbawteam FIHREDUPPTAPLAYBALL! coachO sawdis postaw inna SowBend wheyhee coachada TROYJAN, and heesay "LESSPUTITUP!!" Nowda rebahplaya hava PUNCHDIS-SIGN evvertime theys runnout ondafield!

DaRebahplaya aww stayenhom!

Alldaotha collaplayas, deyrunfromdeyhomes andeyhitupdaenneffell! Leaveyaschoolfordadraff? NOTONCOACHOWATCH! YOOUTRYTARUNNADATDO, an'COACHOHITYAWEAHDAGOOLAHDSPLITYA!

Darebahplaya, deyalldafamlah. Westicktogedda! Lemsday indaplayaloun, hangaoutwithdaCoachO. Wesharedalaughs'anwatchdaMatla! Ain'tnothin'bettadan beenaRebah! SpesslawhendaMatlan!

CoachO Puttatha "Studdah" inna Studdahathleet!

CoachO juswannasay hee-saw prawda JerralPawe! JerralPawesa BEE BAW whatwanna commah to Oxfuh and PLAYREBAHFOOTBAH! Coase, JarlPaw hadheesah trobbah witta NC-dubbah-A clearahahaws and WUNTALOWD COMTAH OXFUH LASS'YEAH. But JarlPaw don-givvuhp, naw, cahs REBAH NEVAH SAYGIVVUP! He hittabooks an' gaw-heeself ailgible foah 2007 REBAHFOOTBAH!

'Coardin to hee-mamaw, "Jarrle reah-goohd chile, buh he dontno howta reahd". But tha-dommean heah naw-smawt! Hell, coachO could-naw reahd till hee-wah twenny-foah yeah-awd, an coachO now hassah HONORAIRY DOCKTRATE IN COMPARATAH-POLATICK FROAM CAYME-BRIDGE!

Lookada! Speewinndachampaship!

Dat'showdasouthanfootbawgo, itbringdaspeed'an itsendamidwestah girlahboysbaktwodaClumbus! Ain'tnoboddahcatchadem, deygoodoleboy! Torchemwithda footbawspee!

CongratstodaUrbaMaya, buthebettawatchatna! DaCoachO, hereddytowhupdanewchamps! WHUPDEMUPGOOD!

Youbettawatchabak, CoachUrba! Necksya, REBAHGONNADROWNYAW!